


It Means No Worries

by afterandalasia



Category: The Lion King (1994)
Genre: Canon Universe, Community: disney_kink, Crack, Hakuna Matata, Masturbation, Masturbation Lessons, Other, Sexual Humor, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-03
Updated: 2011-01-03
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:36:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6493981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterandalasia/pseuds/afterandalasia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Masturbation lessons, in honour of Hakuna Matata.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Means No Worries

**Author's Note:**

> From the [anon prompt](http://disney-kink.livejournal.com/361.html?thread=216425#t216425) at the Disney Kink Meme.

"I don't know, guys..." Simba shifts slightly, then rolls over onto his front again. His tail twitches slightly. "This whole thing just sounds weird."  
  
"Weird? It's not weird! It's totally natural! Besides," and here Timon becomes flatly serious again, at least for a moment, "I don't want you suddenly having no way to deal with your 'urges' because I do not intend to be used as a lion sex toy."  
  
Simba looks at his paws, extending his claws slightly and then very quickly sheathing them agan. "I haven't got thumbs, though."  
  
"Pumba's got hooves. Trust me, thumbs are the least of your problems."  
  
"Yup!" Pumba's beaming, though now that image is in Simba's head he's not sure it's ever going to go away. "And masturbation is still perfectly possible. You just gotta be more careful."  
  
"Whereas you? You got the fur for the softness, you got the pads for the grip; man, I wish I had paws like that."  
  
"Okay, okay, geez." Simba rolls his eyes and sits up, shaking his head to get a stray leaf out of his mane. "So what? You just rub it?"  
  
"Rub it? Rub it?! Oh, Pumba, we have got a philistine on our hands."  
  
"I thought he was a lion."  
  
"Look, no, you gotta... appreciate it. I mean, it's a penis, you gotta start by appreciating that. And you just gotta kick back and relax for it." Timon flops down into one of the wide-leaved plants that he so likes to use as a seat, arms spread wide in enthusiasm for a moment, before cupping one hand across his groin. "Hakuna Matata, right? Just set aside your worries... and masturbate."  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
Simba's still unconvinced, and his expression must have said as such by the way that Timon looks at him.  
  
"Look, kid, this is an art form. And you're learning from the master here."  
  
"It doesn't sound much like an art form to me. It just sounds... kinda messy."  
  
"Oh, trust me," Timon wags a finger at him, "it's an art. You gotta get it right for the situation. Sometimes you want it fast and sharp, sometimes you want the long, slow strokes instead." He's demonstrating, and now Simba is torn between laughing and covering his eyes with a paw. "Sometimes you want to cup your balls, see -- I mean, you might not be able to so much, you'd prob'ly be better off using both paws together there -- sometimes you just wanna concentrate on the shaft. And then there's the advanced stuff, but I don't want to go teaching you that until you've got the basics."  
  
The seriousness of his tone means that Simba is leaning more and more towards the laughter now. He can't meet Timon's eyes as he finally shakes his head and gets up.  
  
"Simba?" Pumba sounds bemused.  
  
"Hey, get back here! The lesson ain't over yet!"  
  
"I'm going to do some self-study," he calls over his shoulder, even as he's walking away.  
  
"You'd better!"


End file.
